My princess, My Queen, My Goddess

I found myself rewinding through a dream, in this vision we stepped back a few years in time to a place and time I cannot accurately place. If I was to distinguish by aesthetics, I would say the renaissance still had a firm grip  or influence in this period of history. I can’t remember if it was German or English that was spoken, and although I cannot recount which it truly was, the architecture and people walking and partaking in experiences with me seem to reflect those cultures somehow.
Perhaps it could be a number of other places, but my knowledge of culture is too premature to be able to correctly analyse such details.

My estate and decoration pointed to the possibility of me being a young noble, and I felt somewhat juvenile and ambitious if such feelings had expressions. I was often treated as a youthful gentleman by those who seemed no more than thirty, not to mention that I lacked a wife it seemed. This was odd for the time period, especial for men of high repute so I soon understood there was more to this.  I myself must have been in my early twenties or perhaps late teens. Even though I cannot recall seeing my own reflection I was again of an olive skin tone, much like today and I don’t recall being all too different physically from how I am now. I thought that because of this, maybe I was visiting the country or lived there as some sort of emissary. I did not share common physical traits with the people who lived in this town, so its fairly clear that I was foreign.

I remember having to entertain men much older than myself with politics and philosophy while at my post, a decorated office with statues and tapestries. Here I had  endless conversations, most of which revolved about planing future projects that would never be put in motion. These conversations sometimes lasted for hours circling back on themselves, it was not such a horrible task but I did feel that at times it was a waste of my effort. Many of those who came to discuss topics with me, were more preoccupied with sharing their opinion and ideas than actually putting them into action. Dismissing my advances and inquiries.

I had a hand in the hidden world of that place, I was part of the courts and orders that would hold assembly in private. My presence in this town was not per chance, I was not just a mere stranger to this place it seemed, nor your everyday gentleman. I focused much of my time and efforts in the occult gatherings and in the lives of those whom partook in them.

I don’t quite understand how it came to be but I found myself preparing for a special event one evening, it was heavily planed and orchestrated yet I remember nothing of its preparation. The evening began by a group of us being escorted to our temple, a secret place hidden inside of a Villa which was owned by a wealthy family. It wasn't such a hard place to find if you knew where to look, it was however, a wonder of engineering which is what eluded most people ignorant to its whereabouts.

Within that decently sized villa where some of the public could gather during the day hours for tea, leisure conversation or even to play badminton on the grass, lay our secret cove, a tree hidden within a forest.  They had told me that the villa was constructed with a reverse image of itself built beneath on an even larger scale, ideas I am sure that were taken from the exotic east. I never gave much attention to the  talk of mirror images, but I assure you that the complex buried beneath was indeed larger and a good deal more mysterious than one would expect.

You reached the lower levels by a stairway that was hidden in the corner of one of the larger rooms of the house. The main building was not open to the public only the grounds, since it was privately owned. Even so, the way that the entrance had been built into the room, made it invisible to even the most well trained eye. Unless you felt it with your hands or looked upon it from the right angle, you could not see the entrance due to the mesh of colour and patterns hiding a weirdly angled, inwards falling arc.

It's safe to assume that from the care that was being taken and the secrecy of it, there might have been a general persecution of those who sought to develop themselves spiritually outside of the boundaries of the common religion of the time.

If you followed the stairs down you would come to a small cloister were artefacts and old relics were decorating the room. The stairway’ rock walls were cold to the touch and the cloister itself while bright with its marble mosaic floor and complex array of wall decoration felt intimidating, yet in a strange way refreshing. This was a waiting room of sorts, with one other door leading into the next stairway down. Here we would wait to be blindfolded and taken the rest of the way, only a select few were allowed to pass unbounded.

Our guide had a mask covering his entire head, leaving no opening for the eyes and only two small holes bellow the indent for the nose. It was smooth like porcelain and there were symbols drawn all over the mask, covering it entirely. On either side there leather straps that were tightly keeping the piece together and snug to the man’s face.
I often wondered if this man was truly blind, seeing as he never spoke it seemed possible that he had been deprived of other senses as well. This made me thinks of dark tales I had once heard, where oriental monks had to undergo a ritualistic ceremony to remove their eyes, sew shut their lips and plug their ears. This would be grotesque but in its own strange way, could be seen as an honour if it meant being given a special responsibility. He was after all our guardian and guide to the sacred inner shrines, opening up validity for this strange though of mine. Rumours and stories are however often used to exaggerate the truth, to make us more susceptible to folly, so I will remain doubtful.

We follow the man through the tunnels in silence and blindfolded, one hand holding a rope connecting the passengers the other feelings the walls.

When they remove the blindfold I found myself in the inner shrine, a highly intricate room with pillars and running curtains dividing sections. This room was truly special, you could feel it on your skin. Every time you entered it, it felt different and new somehow.

"To help you better understand what I am about to say, allow me to explain one small detail before we continue. From the entrance of the villa, I am aware of where true north is. As we found our way down to where we are now, I kept a mental picture of where I was and describe my surroundings according to this, as inaccurate as it may be.
From this mental imagine I describe the room with the passage we arrived from being in the north, if you imagine the room on a blank piece of paper with north being the top I think you won't get lost."

Behind us the heavy red wood door were shut as the last person came through, following down from it were a few wide stone steps leading to where we were now standing. A large polished stone platform with an alter near its edge overlooking the a large hall divided by running curtains and decorations. We entered from the highest point of the room, everything laid out bellow us. The stone alter seemed like an old tomb, large enough to lay a fully grown man on it and every corner, line and angle carved and decorated. It resembled an alter you would find in a Church, where the priests would hold their ceremony. Besides the alter, on either side were two large basins holding liquids, each different in colour and texture but unrecognisable in this lighting.

From what I could tell this was the north section of the hall and the most elevated place, with about fourteen larger stone steps leading down to the centre of the hall which was an empty polished stone floor large enough to hold a large crowd.
From the alter now looking outwards into the vast hall I examined each of the sections.

To my left were two separate areas, the closest to me was a stone bath with strangely smelling water being poured in from the mouth of two strange bestial statues. There were bowls containing herbs and salts under the figures and through the water you could see three large drains. I do not want to imagine the coin and resources that were needed to have such a thing running all the way down here. I doubt the queen herself had such chambers. This was for purification and many types of craft that involved water and infusions.

Further from us on this same side was a indented area with pillows and various places of comfort, there were shelves cut into the floor and walls to store oils and incense. I know what this area was for but was prohibited from partaking in its rituals, the guardians insisted that if there was any interest on my behalf, that limit myself to watching. Here displays of passion and fertility rites took place, often those who were to take part wore masks that covered part of the face but that portrayed a role for the ritual. Any man or woman, young or old would be swayed by such displays, but here this was not so. A certain formality and intent was so overwhelming that while extremely empowering, your feelings were not your own during rituals. These intimacies were practices as sacred actions, and were more intimidating than arousing.

To my right there were two other areas, the closest to me a place of worship and reflecting. This area was covered with Persian floor mats and carpets, with a circular alter at its centre. I have not yet made much sense of what goes on here, normally during any work we are allowed to choose where and with whom we practice our craft. After the curtains close however, you can hear murmuring and sounds coming from others areas, but cannot see what's actually happening. I have never sat down and partook of this specific area, so I no not of its ways.

Further from us on this side is a marble floor with a space indented into the wall holding a magnificent statue. The statue has two winged serpents intertwined reaching for the sky as the back piece. At the base of the serpents is naked woman sitting looking outwards towards us, her lover kneeling behind her in a protective stance. Another serpent encircles them with its head also facing outwards. The walls around the statue were also engraved, with images of knights and beasts watching over their object of affection. Carvings of wolves, lions, bears, horses and birds. Knights and castles all standing guard.

The statue was held by a figure similar to Atlas who had been chiselled out of sparkling stone, long locks and a braided beard falling from his face. I had yet to receive a description or explanation of any kind, and for such reason I had not approached this for fear of insulting someone. I awaited an invitation from one of my brothers and sisters.

On the opposite side side of the hall, straight across from us there was a final door. Another red wooden door, carved with a wonderful array of lines and shapes. Where it led and how it opened was a mystery to me, for during my entire stay here and my many visits I have not seen anyone trifle with it and it had no handle or visible lock.

This entire sanctuary seemed bizarre and oddly shaped, how can so much fit under the estate, hiding from plain sight. The ceilings of the sanctuary were tall, perhaps to accommodate the various areas and to hep alleviate this feeling of being underground. The four large areas, the main alter from whence we arrived and the large open space at its centre made up the entirety of the sanctuary.

Here you were free to do as you wish, but were asked not to disturb other peoples practices. If you wished to sit and talk, the stairs were open to you, or you could stand. Each area had a superior who would act as guide, they would teach or share experiences with you and hold the normal practices.

Most of us present were guests, we were called children and were to refer to each other as brother or sister. The superiors of each area along with a handful of others present were called guardians. You would be introduced to them upon your first visit,  they were there to  aid us and maintain the rules of our sanctuary.

I cannot go into detail, but to be invited to this sacred space was not a simple task.
You would receive three  individual visits, each from a different guardian, they would visit you or bump into you on your day to day business. They would not introduce themselves as anything out of the ordinary but you could always clearly tell they were there for you. They would either ask you questions or pose a problem for you to solve. The nature of their tests depended on the individual, but most of the time they tested your integrity and honour.

Afterwards you would receive a visit from them as a group, they would sit and introduce themselves and our group. They would explain their mission and why they seek out lost children and how they discovered about you either through rumours or following a seers instructions. You would be given choices, depending on why it was that they came looking for you. All of the choices however required you to be prudent and subtle, never to mention our existence or talk of our group outside of our sacred places and when given freedom to do so from a recognized guardian.Strangely there were never threats or warnings of what was to happen for those who broke the rules or refused. Perhaps this was kindness, perhaps not. I still wonder about that every once in a while.

Many of my brothers and sisters moved closer to one of the sacred sites a few months or years after they were visited. I do not recall, but I believe that might be the reason I am also here. I morn for not being able to remember my own trials, or any of the guardians who visited me.

Our group of people does not gather for one religious belief or to worship some unknown god, we all gather here to practice the hidden arts. We are to the world above heathens, but rarely do our actions deserve such titles. Most among us are healers or come here to learn how to hide and use their gifts.
The master of our group blessed may he be, has places and people spread across Europe, searching for “lost children” as they are referred to.
I have not met him but by  the way everyone reveres him for his capabilities, actions and traits, you would think him a saint.
I am told he lives with his family in an country estate a bit far removed, neighboured only by farmland and forests. I'm not sure that anyone is ever invited to the estate though.




Tonight we would have a special guest whom I was to be introduced to, she was from what I gathered the reason why I was so easily accommodated into this city. I meant something to this stranger, something worth pulling strings for. I was under the impression that she would be an older woman, mature and formal in character. She was a relative to the Master, though what relationship they had I was unsure. I was nervous about my début but confident that I would make a good impression.

The Lady like our Master was revered and spoken of in awe, though she was simply titled “The Lady”, a rather common title. Though I had never met her before, I could feel her presence and importance. The Lady was of the same blood as the Master and a powerful spiritual and political figure in her own right, similar in essence to Royalty. I was vibrating with anxiety, every moment made me question another detail of my appearance wondering if I looked fitting, revising bits of information in case I need flaunt my impressive experience and culture.

The gathering began with the arrival of the last group, as they came to our side we made our preparations. Two guardian left the chamber door open and the entire room fell silent. A escort of elite guardians walked through the doorway, and as they fanned out before us a Child descended into the chamber to meet us. I was both shocked and somewhat offended by her presence. I had never seen anyone much younger than myself step foot in these halls, her presence was somehow disturbing that balance. Moments after embarrassment filled me, was I being made a mockery of?. I was asked to leave my home and made to adhere to a completely new flock of people for a child. This was absurd.


The person who descended was but a youth barely older than 8 year of age. She was small and thin with full lush cheeks and tiny bright red lips, Her eyes were a shade of dark green with a ring of golden at their centre. They were breathtaking and vibrant even under such dim lighting, their attention was heavy far beyond he years. Her gaze was clear and penetrating like that of a wild animal, unwavering and intense. Not at all childlike, actually I don’t believe I have ever had the pleasure of seeing a stare like hers before. The way you felt when her eyes were upon you was odd beyond explanation, such a gaze could make an enraged beast tranquil. We were all under her spell the very moment we met her eyes, kneeling at her tiny feet. She wore dark indigo robe with red and blue lining, a barely visible white dress peeked through what the large hooded robes did not cover.

I was deeply offended indeed, while she was the most impressive child I had ever laid my eyes upon, she remained just that, a child. I had been preparing for months to meet her, pledge my loyalty and eternal soul to her, only to find out it was all for the whim of a mere pup. I felt like they were toying with me. However to my even greater surprise these feelings would not stay with me very long.

As I stood there at the foot of the large altar on bended knee, a crowd of dark hooded members behind me, I was encouraged by my rage to lift my stare in defiance and meet the young girls gaze straight on. An act we were all strictly instructed not to do, I wanted to intimidate her even if only to heal my damaged pride. I lifted my gaze and forced my attention upon her with all the anger I could muster spread hotly across my face.

Then I found them, those eyes looking at me from under her hood. As quickly as my feelings had boiled up within me, I felt them dissolving as our gaze met. Those eyes had a different nature now, I could feel a warmth and comfort from her that welcomed me as I was. A warmth not unlike those special few days between spring and summer. As I looked upon that fragile child, I could sense her joy and see it on her expression. Her happiness radiating so loudly that I was swept up by her emotions, her feelings flowed into me and becoming my own. I had been taken to another place, thrown into another world, were I was no longer in that dark vault but rather some far off memory.

I could not see clearly what this vision was showing me, only that as I travelled through vast forests, cold deserts nights, open plains and bloody fields. Everything changed but her eyes and this feeling remained. It was like I was looking at a broken mirror where each shard reflected only but an moment of an entire existence.
My heart clinched tight and made it hard for me to breath, I felt as if I had been engulfed by an overpowering shadow. Frightening yet, a strange sense of joy and familiarity came from it.

She continued to descend the stairs, gesturing her escorts to remain as they were. They had responded to my defiance at once and were already pulling at scabbards, but before they could take their first steps her tiny hand stopped them with a gesture. They seemed to want to defy her but remained silent and still. The moment she came into my proximity I could not longer force myself to look away, I watched the child come closer and closer our eyes locked onto each others, each step she took felt heavy on my heart.

She did not stop or slow down, rather she made haste with every step and when she was finally within reach, her arms opened wide and she embraced me. As her cheeks rubbed against mine and the scent of her hair and skin made its way to me I began to cry, she too shed tears of happiness as I could feel her face becoming damp.
I was again left unable to react and with a torrent of emotions flowing through me.
I did not expect a child to express such a mature form of greeting, not that this embrace wasn't common of children but she seemed to radiate emotions that seemed far beyond her years or mine for that fact.

Gathering her composure, she took a step back and gestured me to bow my head in respect and to greet her presence as was costume, which I did with little hesitation, followed by the rest of the chamber. She returned to her escorts and we were given leave to practice our craft as always.

They walked her through the centre to stop in front of the southern door. One of the Elders produced a rod which he placed into a hole above the door. The staffs lower segmented split in two, which with the help of another were used to power the mechanism to open the door.
Another elder produced a torch which he then lit and together stepped inside what looked like a long corridor. Two of the elders remained at the door, to stop unwanted guests from going in I assume.

I will assume elders are the names we used for the elite guard and perhaps all elite guardians.

I spent the next few hours unable to focus on my tasks, my mind was flooded with thoughts and emotions that could not explain. How could this child have such a significant impact on me, why did she feel and smell so oddly familiar?
After the rituals were over, I was summoned away from my familiar company to the northern door where the guardian awaited me. I presented myself to him so as to be blind folded but he merely handed me a part of the rope he had tied around his waist and gestured I follow.

We climbed in complete darkness, this man must indeed be blind and extremely well trained. I could feel how close the walls were and how tight the turns were becoming, yet with no light he guided me with ease and confidence. He stopped only when we reached our destination, he pushed the chamber doors open and beckoned me to enter.
As soon as I came through the threshold, I became focused on her sitting on a cushioned bench in the centre of the room and forgot to take in my environment. I can’t recall neither the content nor the appearance of the room, only that it too was a cloister.

As I came closer I could not help but notice her smiling at me and my face responding mindlessly without command. That night I met the girl who was to become the woman I promised myself to.

We were left alone to talk, she explained to me how I had been expected and prepared for the purpose of being her spouse. She continued by explaining that she was lucky to be born into the family she did or rather that it was fated to happen. Her soul was old and had lived through many reincarnations, however she required life energy to live as a normal person and while she could partake of others common or uncommon creatures, only her fated one could nourish and satisfy her fully. It was the only way for her to be free of her chains, and to truly live. I was said fated one she explained, that those shards were all memories of reincarnations we had lived together. We were meant to be one for the other, to live as one and to cherish each other in a way normal mortals could not.

She explained that while I had my senses and capabilities heightened I was a warrior and guardian, the sword and shield by nature. I was not in tune with things the way she was. She was born knowing me, what we are and what we must do. She did seem familiar and her words were not foreign to me but I was unable to remember clearly, it all seemed like a dream. I trusted her words and spent the evening listening to her expressing her joy over finding me at last and knowing that she would not have to be alone this time.

I asked her if she even understood what it meant to be promised to someone and what a relationship between a man and woman was like. I was once more surprised by the mature answer of the little one. She took my hand and told me not to worry, that with time things would unfold. While I was already a man grown, it was within my nature to wait, that my heart and soul spoke louder than mortal need. Being more in tune to the flow of things, I would not seek to pick the fruit from the tree before its time. That as she grew so would our relationship.
It was not uncommon for girls to marry early but this situation was unacceptable in any culture I had ever met.


*******
I had further dreams of her in her youthful form,
Sometimes I remember playing with her in much the same fashion as an older brother. In the large garden of her mansion, she would make me play hide and seek or make me read stories the master had hidden away in his library.
By the lake we would swim and I would scold her for not wanting to be dried off, and later watch as she played with the ducks. Through all this play, in her eyes I could recognize the purest expression of innocence and kindness, something I would give my life to protect.
It was strange to be the only one allowed to go without formalities in her presence, it seemed to always be me and her. I would be her tutor and protector. I would take her for walks and show her the city and towns nearby.
I even remember having to prohibit her from speaking ill of the master and workers. It wasn't something she did out of bad character, he was simply a very strong personality which sometime forgot that the real world did not revolve around her, only ours.

She grew to become a beautiful woman, the clearest image I have of her is during one evening where we were having tea in the garden with standing torches lit around us. It was night but the moon was full and so bright it almost seemed like it was still mid afternoon.
Her face was not unlike that of an angel, her eyes remained just as frighteningly powerful as always but this had become one of her more seductive traits. Her skin was perfectly smooth and lush, a ivory colour which radiated and made her ample red lips and timid smile all the more vibrant and sensual. Her cheeks were full but not too round and her hair framed her face in such a way that no matter where she turned her profile was always peerless. Her long hair hanged down her side stopping just short of her hip, her figure was truly divine, Aphrodite herself could be made jealous.

She was of a small stature with small hands and feet, but her ample breast and round hip more than shaped her into a proper lover. She was both the maiden and mother, and possessed the wisdom of the crone. Perfect in every way, a Goddess incarnate.